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Birgitte Rasine's avatar

No question that our physical appearance is a multichannel broadcast, but in addition to clothing that also means our hair, height, physique, skin tone, facial features, teeth, everything that's visible. I do feel this post is a touch overthinking things... not everything about clothes is about sexuality. Clothes have a practical side to them, as well as an expressive side that aligns with our identity rather than sexuality. We also can't worry too much about what we communicate to everyone bc we cannot control what others think. Granted, in certain heavily patriarchal societies, the women and girls are basically told what to wear (you can guess what I think about that!) But if I had to think about what others are going to think about what I wear I'd never leave the house.

Personally, I like to dress nice for me, first and foremost, whether I'm going out with someone or not. I also feel it's important to dress the part—if I go for a 9-mile hike like we just did, I wear my hiking gear, for safety and comfort. If it's a business meeting, a sharp-looking outfit. When I was working in the camera dept on Hollywood films, I wore a vintage pilot's overalls, military fatigues, and a tool belt. Think what you want about all that :)

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Becoming the Rainbow's avatar

Given the topic, I couldn't resist clicking on your profile pic to see what you might be, intentionally or unintentionally, communicating. You wrote that you take pains with grooming and workout, and, looking at your photo, I see no reason to doubt that self-assessment. Your beard is nicely trimmed, muscles nicely filling out what might look like merely a conventional business shirt on another body. Am I a cad for saying so? Probably. As an older gay man I suspect I'm not the target audience of your fashion choices. But I think there's value -- and indeed morality -- in owning our own eroticism. Societal suppression of sexuality is a big driver of bad behavior and so much goes right when we allow ourselves to be who we are, to be, as you quote, "in our bodies." Thanks for a courageous piece.

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