This is good stuff. People seldom consider the actual goal/outcome they want. Most of the time, folks go with the flow and "keep up with the Joneses", even when we don't realize that's what we're doing.
Measurement is the key to fixing this. In a less implicitly verbalized way, that's just what punk rock did for me around age 17. I'm still human and susceptible to falling into these traps just like everyone else, but having that central concept of asking why more times than any of my closest peers has served me well to avoid this more than most folks.
Very timely post for me as I´ve been thinking a lot about success and failure. To me, it´s important to separate the metrics of accomplishment from worthiness. I can be successful (or not) at a particular task but my value as a person doesn´t go up and down depending on how I´ve done. Something I journaled about this morning...
I find myself in need of an attitude adjustment. It no longer works for me to think of people as good or bad. For sure there are people who are better than others at particular tasks. Some of us are stronger or smarter or more beautiful than our peers. But I´m not sure that any of that makes anybody better, more worthy of drawing breath. What if everybody is equal? What if I stopped seeking praise or fearing judgment? Just stopped. This morning I´m wondering how my life would change if I just dropped this whole business of ranking the value of people (including, most especially, myself) altogether.
I think your kids will cherish the picture and remember the circumstances, or at least you will and you will cherish describing backstory with a huge smile on your face. Life is messy and beautiful at the same time. Here are your kids finding their way as individuals and also loving each other.
But the much more important question you haven't asked, and the ultimate true measure of success, is: How many upvotes did each rabbit's carrot get on Reddit?!
There's a picture of me when I'm 13 standing with my family and French relatives and I've got a pissy look on my face. It was all I could get away with given that Dad kept telling me to stop making faces and smile. Mom and I had had another fight and I was damned if I was going to smile. I think I'm making a fart face - like, the kind you'd make when you're about to make a farting noise with your mouth. It's the only photo of me at 13, which is probably a good thing as that was the year I turned into A Teenager and not just because it was my first -teen year. Mom and I were not handling it well :)
I got over it. Mom got over it. They both got over the photo. Sometimes, you're just too pissed to pose for a good picture ;)
There’s another angle to this too about being jealous of others’ perceived success.
You could draw the conclusion that you want that persons life because they have a big house for example.
But the thing is you can’t have the big house without all the other baggage that person deals with too.
Who knows, they may have lost their parents young and inherited the money to buy the house. Or they work 90 hrs a week, their marriage is falling apart and their kids have forgotten who they are - all in aid of getting that big house.
You never know what’s going on behind the idyllic picture.
This is good stuff. People seldom consider the actual goal/outcome they want. Most of the time, folks go with the flow and "keep up with the Joneses", even when we don't realize that's what we're doing.
Measurement is the key to fixing this. In a less implicitly verbalized way, that's just what punk rock did for me around age 17. I'm still human and susceptible to falling into these traps just like everyone else, but having that central concept of asking why more times than any of my closest peers has served me well to avoid this more than most folks.
Fascinating read! The concept of looking beneath the surface to find true value resonates deeply, especially in today's appearance-obsessed society.
Very timely post for me as I´ve been thinking a lot about success and failure. To me, it´s important to separate the metrics of accomplishment from worthiness. I can be successful (or not) at a particular task but my value as a person doesn´t go up and down depending on how I´ve done. Something I journaled about this morning...
I find myself in need of an attitude adjustment. It no longer works for me to think of people as good or bad. For sure there are people who are better than others at particular tasks. Some of us are stronger or smarter or more beautiful than our peers. But I´m not sure that any of that makes anybody better, more worthy of drawing breath. What if everybody is equal? What if I stopped seeking praise or fearing judgment? Just stopped. This morning I´m wondering how my life would change if I just dropped this whole business of ranking the value of people (including, most especially, myself) altogether.
I think your kids will cherish the picture and remember the circumstances, or at least you will and you will cherish describing backstory with a huge smile on your face. Life is messy and beautiful at the same time. Here are your kids finding their way as individuals and also loving each other.
I love the twist in your story.
I thought it would be just the same old advice of don't judge a book by its cover.
It was very insightful and I learned something new about rabbits so thank you
Your kids will like the picture even more in the future if they know the story behind it.
But the much more important question you haven't asked, and the ultimate true measure of success, is: How many upvotes did each rabbit's carrot get on Reddit?!
There's a picture of me when I'm 13 standing with my family and French relatives and I've got a pissy look on my face. It was all I could get away with given that Dad kept telling me to stop making faces and smile. Mom and I had had another fight and I was damned if I was going to smile. I think I'm making a fart face - like, the kind you'd make when you're about to make a farting noise with your mouth. It's the only photo of me at 13, which is probably a good thing as that was the year I turned into A Teenager and not just because it was my first -teen year. Mom and I were not handling it well :)
I got over it. Mom got over it. They both got over the photo. Sometimes, you're just too pissed to pose for a good picture ;)
There’s another angle to this too about being jealous of others’ perceived success.
You could draw the conclusion that you want that persons life because they have a big house for example.
But the thing is you can’t have the big house without all the other baggage that person deals with too.
Who knows, they may have lost their parents young and inherited the money to buy the house. Or they work 90 hrs a week, their marriage is falling apart and their kids have forgotten who they are - all in aid of getting that big house.
You never know what’s going on behind the idyllic picture.
Great post Michael.