Behaviour change can be very difficult. The Ego uses fear to sustain behaviours we know are unhelpful for us. Understanding what drives our behaviour is important to changing. Replacing bad behaviours with more beneficial ones only happens with good reflective practice. But that’s exactly where better outcomes lie.
I'm caught up! Sorry, had to get that out of the way first.
I hadn't considered the idea that people actually want that fear deep down inside. I kinda get how one can become addicted to that state, but actually wanting it in the first place isn't something that was initially on my radar. However, it makes sense when you consider that the horror genre exists, right?
It's like you have a bunch of little vials you can inject. One of them says "fear and anxiety" and another says "bliss." On the surface, I know which one I would pick! But then again, bliss is only any good by comparison to non-bliss.
But: I can see how useful it is (evolutionarily) to appreciate fear, at least to some degree. We need to stress test ourselves from time to time, so maybe being drawn to that emotion (for some of us) is a way to do just that, or to prepare us for truly terrible times so we survive and stay resilient.
Fear and Anxiety are little vials. Bliss is like what happens after you skip the vials and go work hard on something. Anyone can be fearful and anxious. It takes effort to be blissful.
Hey Michael! Yes your clickbait headline got me to read the post!
I initially thought you were using "fear" as a verb when I read the headline, as in we should fear porn because of its negative impacts. I have a 2-year-old little boy, and one day I'll need to address that with him. I know you have older children (I forget though if you have boys). I ended up discussing the following with LLMs:
"How should parents of male teenagers handle pornography? Should they try to prevent their sons from seeing pornography? Should they allow soft forms of erotica like Playboy? It seems that watching pornography at a young age (say before adulthood) makes young men less likely to be themselves when they first have sex, and instead pushes them to reproduce what they see, such as ejaculating on the face of their partner. According to some, this has led young women to avoid having sex with young men, because that’s obviously not what they are looking for in a sexual relationship. What are different strategies? What are their pros and cons? Any good book on the subject?"
If you feel so inclined, I'd like to read in the future how you approach (or plan to approach) pornography with your children. Thank you Michael!
That's a tough one. I more Libertarian in my views on real porn. I have two daughters and a son and we talk a lot about imagery, etc. The main thing is that almost all of what we see isn't 'real' but doctored and primed and tweaked. Porn is the same.
Like you said, porn doesn't typically represent what women want typically either. (For that you have to read romance novels (but dark romance is super close to the dark bowels of pornhub)).
The bottom line is to recognize reality, talk to your partners, forge real and intimate relationships, and stay grounded.
Behaviour change can be very difficult. The Ego uses fear to sustain behaviours we know are unhelpful for us. Understanding what drives our behaviour is important to changing. Replacing bad behaviours with more beneficial ones only happens with good reflective practice. But that’s exactly where better outcomes lie.
Great points. One way I think about it is that Entropy is easy. It takes Energy to stop it though.
👍👍👍 🔥🔥🔥 !!!
Just refuse to participate in the rigged game or tell them: Thanks, but I may now use my right to kindly reject your "present" ...
Btw: additionally, we were endowned with TWO middle-fingers !!! unless you REALLY had a bad day at the local rink ...
Haha. Exactly.
I'm caught up! Sorry, had to get that out of the way first.
I hadn't considered the idea that people actually want that fear deep down inside. I kinda get how one can become addicted to that state, but actually wanting it in the first place isn't something that was initially on my radar. However, it makes sense when you consider that the horror genre exists, right?
Horror movies/books are a great example of that. In part because you're combining Adrenaline with Dopamine and a few other things in that cocktail.
It's like you have a bunch of little vials you can inject. One of them says "fear and anxiety" and another says "bliss." On the surface, I know which one I would pick! But then again, bliss is only any good by comparison to non-bliss.
But: I can see how useful it is (evolutionarily) to appreciate fear, at least to some degree. We need to stress test ourselves from time to time, so maybe being drawn to that emotion (for some of us) is a way to do just that, or to prepare us for truly terrible times so we survive and stay resilient.
Fear and Anxiety are little vials. Bliss is like what happens after you skip the vials and go work hard on something. Anyone can be fearful and anxious. It takes effort to be blissful.
Hey Michael! Yes your clickbait headline got me to read the post!
I initially thought you were using "fear" as a verb when I read the headline, as in we should fear porn because of its negative impacts. I have a 2-year-old little boy, and one day I'll need to address that with him. I know you have older children (I forget though if you have boys). I ended up discussing the following with LLMs:
"How should parents of male teenagers handle pornography? Should they try to prevent their sons from seeing pornography? Should they allow soft forms of erotica like Playboy? It seems that watching pornography at a young age (say before adulthood) makes young men less likely to be themselves when they first have sex, and instead pushes them to reproduce what they see, such as ejaculating on the face of their partner. According to some, this has led young women to avoid having sex with young men, because that’s obviously not what they are looking for in a sexual relationship. What are different strategies? What are their pros and cons? Any good book on the subject?"
If you feel so inclined, I'd like to read in the future how you approach (or plan to approach) pornography with your children. Thank you Michael!
That's a tough one. I more Libertarian in my views on real porn. I have two daughters and a son and we talk a lot about imagery, etc. The main thing is that almost all of what we see isn't 'real' but doctored and primed and tweaked. Porn is the same.
Like you said, porn doesn't typically represent what women want typically either. (For that you have to read romance novels (but dark romance is super close to the dark bowels of pornhub)).
The bottom line is to recognize reality, talk to your partners, forge real and intimate relationships, and stay grounded.